Jessica Simpson ft. Willie Nelson - These Boots Are Made For Walking (video stream)

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“Now you’re looking/ About where I thought you’d be looking”

Can I get a yee-haw?
(Not clicking here is seriously not an option)

Indeed you can Ms Simpson! In fact, you can get anything the hell you want for your part in this crazy, fabulous, pop-meta moment. Got a movie to promote? Got some pesky adultery claims to redirect into a revamped sex-kitten image? Getting tired of lil sis outselling y’all?

Fear not, my dear, Papa Joe is here! Oh yes; so concerned over your career is daddy dearest, that he’s dreamt up a fabulous country-meets-uber-pop project for you to reclaim your place in the nation’s transient hearts.

The breathy coquettish vocals! The teasing country twang! The strip-club grinding bass, and oh, the low Willie Nelson sing-a-long backing! The irresistible pouting breakdown!

A video so exploitative, Jess has obviously been working long and hard at Cheap Stripper Academy to learn that thrust and swing action (“Daddy, daddy! Look at what I learned today" disturbing mental imagery alert!). The pink bikini scenes alone need to be worshipped as the pinnacle of incongruous, pointless masturbation-fantasy sequencing!

Love. It. All.